Hey, let’s talk. Is your marriage suffering right now? Have you lost that zip that you had years ago? It doesn’t matter if you’ve only been married for six months, or 60 years, millions of people today feel stuck in a rut in their marriage. And it doesn’t have to be that way. You can revive the love, lust and excitement in your relationship but it will take some effort. You can’t think your way to a healthier, happier and sexier marriage. You’ve actually got to do something on a daily basis to turn this beautiful union around.

Millions of couples in the United States and Canada are in unhappy marriages, and the number one tactic that keeps them in that state is the tendency to point fingers at each other. Too many partners think: “If they would only change. Be nicer. Be more attentive. Be more thoughtful. Be kinder…Our marriage wouldn’t be in this current state of upheaval.” Sadly, though, the more we blame, the deeper the rut begins to form. So instead of doing that, because it never has and never will work, take a look at the four tips below to get that loving feeling back into your relationship.

4 Ways to Bring That Loving Feeling Back to Marriage

Marriage Tip Number 1: Go Back in Time

Unhappy Marriage? How to Get That Loving Feeling BackWrite down a list of the activities that you did when you first met your spouse, the ones that were fun, exciting, fulfilling. Did you go on dates on a weekly basis, but you’re not doing that now? Did you used to love to go to movies together? What about vacations? Are there simple things that you used to do around the house or apartment when you first met that you’ve totally let go of?
Look at what you used to do that you enjoyed, create the list, and then just pick one activity out of that list and try to engage your partner in doing it today.

Marriage Tip Number 2: Look in the Mirror

What are you currently doing that’s adding to the chaos and drama in your relationship? Are you involved in passive aggressive behavior? The blame game? Anger? Are you spending more time at work to avoid being with your partner and family? Are you drinking more? Eating more? Smoking more?

When you look in the mirror, and you see that you’re doing one of the above activities to avoid dealing with the current state of your marriage, you can begin to heal it if you stop those activities. Taking ownership for what you’re doing in the marriage that is not working is a crucial step, and when we do this in writing, it becomes quite apparent that it’s not simply our partners fault. We are part of the problem as well.

Marriage Tip Number 3: Stop and Unplug

Unhappy Marriage? How to Get That Loving Feeling BackWhen you begin to see a discussion turning into an argument, disengage. Stop. Never get into texting wars. Why? Neither person wants the other one to be right. It’s like a competition. We need to win this text war game. Nonsense! One of the most powerful tactics that you have right now is called disengagement. When you start to sense that the text messaging is going awry, stop completely and handle it this way.

Try stopping the insanity with a more peaceful message, like the following: “Honey, I see we are going down the same road and blaming each other and I am so sorry for being a part of this. I’m going to stop texting right now. I love you and I’m not going anywhere. I will come back in two hours and let’s see if we can be a little kinder. Thank you so much for understanding.”

Marriage Tip Number 4: Go it Alone

Get help on your own if your partner won’t join you, with a counsellor, therapist, minister or life coach. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the husband or the wife, but someone has to take the chance and open  the door to their partner and ask if they will come together into a session to heal the relationship.

Your partner may say no. Do not use that as an excuse for you to stay home as well. ISometimes the other partner never shows up, but the one who arrives can make some huge changes in the relationship, and actually save the marriage if they’re willing to do the work even on their own.


David Essel is a number one best-selling author, counsellor, master life coach, and international speaker whose mission is to positively affect 2 million people or more every day, regardless of their current circumstances. He is the author of Positive Thinking Will Never Change Your Life But This Book Will! The Myth of Positive Thinking the Reality of Success.

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