Found a hot man who’s been around a little longer than you have? You might love his greying temples and extra wisdom, but if your sex life is taking a hit a little early, there may be reasons you haven’t thought of. Like maybe he needs a little lesson in technique, perhaps?
It’s true: partnering with an older man can have its downside, and we mean that literally. You may learn, too soon, that sex isn’t quite the same as it used to be. That’s because as a man ages, he experiences some physical changes that can impact sex—but it doesn’t have to impact his or your enjoyment of it.
Read on to learn about what your man is going through and the steps you can take together to ensure a happy, healthy sex life into the next stage of life.
How to Arouse Your Man As He Gets Older
It’s a strange but true fact that from the peak period of sexuality until death, a man’s sexual organs undergo virtually no change. While other organs degenerate—skin wrinkles, waistlines expand, hair greys—the size or appearance of a man’s sexual organ doesn’t change as he ages.
What does change is how this body part behaves. You might notice that your man doesn’t get erections as easily, his ejaculation is less explosive, and he needs more recovery time between sexual encounters. It’s not you—it’s him, and it’s a natural part of aging. These changes do not mean that men stop enjoying sex. On the contrary, understanding these changes can help a man maintain a great sex life for a lifetime.
Older men first notice that it takes longer to get an erection. This begins to happen to men in their twenties, but so gradually that most men don’t notice until they approach middle age. Much depends on the kinds of relationships they have and the frequency of sexual activity.
A man’s testosterone levels diminish with age, which means that fantasies are no longer enough to cause an erection. The mere sight of a sexy body or even heated foreplay might not do it, either. Many older men can only get an erection from the vacuum effect, as well as the psychological aspects, of oral sex.
Once an older man gets an erection, that erection might be only half-hard until added stimulation (hopefully) brings it to full strength. This, too, is normal, but men often panic, recalling the days when they spent half their time concealing their erections. I bet some of you caught them anyway—I’ve heard my fair share of embarrassing high school stories.
Even when older men sustain an erection to its climactic end, they often notice that the ejaculation itself feels less and less explosive as they age; they ejaculate less semen, and it leaks out rather than being forcefully expelled. Then, the amount of time it takes to recover after an ejaculation—known as the refractory period—increases in proportion to a man’s age. When a man reaches his fifties and sixties, the refractory period might be as long as twenty-four hours, even with direct stimulation. At eighty years old, men can take a week to recover.
All this is a normal part of the aging process. The good news is that with age comes increased experience, wisdom, and seasoning, which should be a boon to your sex life. As men age, not only do they naturally acquire greater ejaculatory control, but they should have learned a great deal about pleasing their partner. If not, well, that’s the topic of another article.
How to Make Sure You Have Great Sex for Life
As men reach their sixties and seventies, they may have to adjust their style of lovemaking. Their arms might not be strong enough to support them for as long as they used to. The muscles in their back and legs might tire quickly, and their joints and ligaments might not be as flexible. This may mean they have to rest or change positions more often. This is a great opportunity to try out some brand new positions, too—keep that sense of adventure!
Another change should be viewed as a bonus: it takes longer to reach orgasm. So, ladies, get ready for pleasure. Plus, the more satisfied you are, the more aroused your man will become. You and your partner can enjoy the extra foreplay required to get him ready to rumble. With full attention on getting the absolute most out of the sex you both can handle, in addition to maintaining a healthy diet and active lifestyle, you and your man can still enjoy the pleasure of orgasm well into old age.
Dudley Seth Danoff, MD, FACS, is president and founder of the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Tower Urology Group in Los Angeles, a Diplomate of the American Board of Urology, a Fellow of the American College of Surgeons, and the author of The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health.
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