I’m what you might call the girl next door. In fact, I’m probably a lot like you. I grew up in a good neighbourhood with good parents (for the most part). I went to a good school, got a good job, and then I found a good man. But, when the economy went south in 2008, my relationship fell apart. I got laid off from my corporate job (without any savings). And I did something you probably didn’t do. I worked as an escort…
I’m not proud of it, I didn’t make a career of it, and I don’t expect you to understand, at least not completely. But I hope you’ll keep reading anyway, for your sake. During my time as a high-end escort, I gained valuable insight as to how educated and successful men think–how they view themselves, their relationships, and their partners. And I learned a lot about myself, too. 

What I Learned When I Worked as an Escort

When I began working in the escort industry, I was the epitome of unhappy. I had little confidence in my looks or myself in general. My negative self-image meant that I focused on all I perceived to be wrong about me. That attitude had gotten me nowhere so far and it wasn’t working in the escort industry either.

What I Learned by Working as an EscortAs a newcomer to the escort industry, I had no idea what I was doing or how the business worked. Initially, I had responded to an ad that I’d found online for an agency that was hiring girls. I was hired and began working, but at a low rate. My early clients only seemed to want hour-long appointments. They were only interested in the physical side of things and that was it. It didn’t take me long to realize that this kind of life was not what I wanted for myself and dealing with this type of client got old very fast.

Even though I didn’t feel strong inside, in the escort industry, my income depended on my attitude. I figured I had to at least pretend that I felt sexy, confident and happy. So before every appointment, I would look in the mirror and say aloud: I am happy, confident and beautiful. People love to spend time with me. I felt ridiculous talking to myself but I had heard affirmations work and I had no choice. I had to pull out all the stops to pay my bills.

One day, I made an amazing discovery. I woke up and actually felt I was all of the wonderful things I had been saying to myself in the mirror. I had no idea how these affirmations worked or when it happened, but over time, I must have reprogrammed my brain to see all that was positive about myself and my life instead of all that was negative.

My new mindset gave me a new lease on life and things began to change. From the type of client that hired me to the way strangers on the street responded to me, things were different and it was an empowering feeling. I found clients to be more refined and that people in general responded to me in more positive and helpful way.

Eventually, I encountered another escort who became my mentor and role model. She offered her clients dinner dates only and she was one of the highest-paid ladies in the industry. She suggested I do the same and after some hesitation and hassle, I got away from the agency and changed my rates. Almost instantly, I was introduced to a new type of client, one who would hire me for hours at a time and wanted to talk and get to know me. We would go to dinner and cultural events and we’d establish a real relationship.

Soon, I came to realize that this new type of client was seeking companionship and was looking for the connection and intimacy that he once had in a relationship. These men confided in me, we built a level of trust and in some cases, we even became friends. Most relayed that while they were content in their lives, they lacked the connection they once had with the women in their life and felt they could not regain it.

So what did I learn from this escort experience? I learned that yes, some men are only seeking the physical experience from women. Other men, though, want an intimate human connection drawn from the need to feel desirable and alive. To get it, they were willing to pay a much higher price and valued the experience and human element way more than just the physical encounter.

While this business is misunderstood and foreign to most people, the desire for intimacy and a deeper connection is universal. As human beings, we need intimacy and meaningful human contact to thrive. Unfortunately, in these modern times, most of us are glued to our smart phones, social media pages, and jobs and have little time to commit to our relationships and ourselves.

Working as an escort was an interesting and educational journey in which I learned a lot about myself, human behaviour and what so many of us are lacking in our lives. I learned that the way you view yourself has a direct impact on the way you are treated. Sure, looks are important but not as important as self-confidence, self-love and a positive disposition.

As a relationship coach, I now work with couples to ensure they find time for themselves and each other so that their relationship does not fall by the wayside. I am grateful to be able to use my experiences to work with couples to help them build more fulfilling intimate relationships.

I have been out of the escort game for several years now and on occasion, people still ask about my former life. Some ask how a ‘normal woman like me’ came to work in such a risqué and taboo business. Others ask about the clients and why they would pay women for something they can get for free at nearly any bar. Still others want to know all about the industry itself and its dangers. Responding to these questions takes me down memory lane, but even more, it helps me reflect on my past so I can appreciate how far I’ve come.

The age old profession has come back to life recently, with the newly formed Series You Me and Her, as well as the movie The Girlfriend Experience. Call girls, escorts, or mistresses of the night, whatever it is we refer to them as Jess Brighton knows first hand. As a former escort now relationship coach Jess is helping women worldwide in the area of sex and intimacy. With her guidance women are learning how men view themselves and their relationships. Jess has knowledge of what makes a man tick. 

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