Do we owe our spouses sex? Is that one of the obligations of marriage? It’s a seriously good question, especially once the honeymoon phase is but a memory of fun times past, and to be blunt, your sex life is not what it once was. After reading the following anecdote on Facebook, we got to thinking. And of course, we asked the author if we could post it here because because this is the kind of juicy stuff that’s meant to be shared. You ready?
Do We Owe Our Spouse Sex? One very brazen woman says YES and she’s sticking to it. Here’s why.
Last night at work, the topic of sex came up and a sixty-ish nurse said, and I quote: I just don’t care for it anymore. My husband still wants it, but I like gardening. Okay. Interesting way of looking at sex as just another hobby, I guess. Once the topic was out there, I took the opportunity to probe. And here’s what I learned.
This woman’s husband is a wonderful man. He helps around the house, does most of the cooking, brings in a comparable income, and has even joined wholeheartedly in her gardening hobby. And he does his best to get her in the mood. On one occasion, he even went to San Francisco and bought back some special lube (which unfortunately ended up burning the skin—talk about a mood kill, but we digress). He also brought along something else: a—GASP!—vibrator! All for naught.
Hmmmm…Maybe her husband was trying to tell her something, and I said so. Well, it seems sex is pretty important to him and that he’d like you to be interested, too. She agreed. Oh, he wants to have sex. He tries to touch me and I slap him away! I just don’t care for it anymore.
So I asked about desire and whether she ever felt any. Her answer: Oh, Yes! I still can get aroused when I read about sex. I even went to see that 50 Shades movie—by myself. Studies show that women who read romance novels want and have more sex, so I suggested that maybe she could get all hot and bothered on her own, then say yes to her man. She was having none of that. Well, he’s gotten used to it. We’re happy. I like gardening. We go to garden shows together. As if getting down to earth is just another way to get down.
Now, if we’re parceling out sex as a favour, that’s being manipulative. Instead, I’m suggesting we owe it to our spouse out of respect for the bargain we made. In my mind, it comes down to this: We promised we would only have sex with each other and therefore I really should endeavour to do my part to meet my man halfway.
So how much sex are we obligated to give exactly? It’s the wrong question. The fact is, if you consider sex an obligation, there’s a deeper problem in the relationship. Sex is a game we play that acts as the glue in a marriage. Think about it. Without sex, marriage is really nothing more than a business arrangement between two roommates. Sex is what trips that arrangement over the line into lasting love. And let’s face it, sex is the reason most people, certainly most men, get married in the first place. Access to a reliable sex partner is a serious motivator.
Sure, sometimes I put out when I’m not really feeling it. And guess what? He does the same for me. Why? Because we love each other and we want each other to be happy. It is no skin off my back to have sex sometimes when I’m not exactly in the mood. I’m doing it for him and for our relationship. And I know he’s done the same for me. But if that were all there was between us, then it would be a sign that something is amiss and needs attention.
Am I right? In light of peri-menopause, and acknowledged decreases in libido, what are your thoughts? Do we owe our spouses sex? Do they owe sex to us? We figure this topic will kick off a rip-roaring conversation in our Facebook group, The Brazen Insiders. So comment below, or join us there and share your two cents.