Yeah sure, we know you’re busy. And you’ve got a headache. And it’s too late for sex. And stop your whining already. You’re whining yourself right out of passion. So here’s the thing. We’re all busy. Since when did busy mean you end up with the lacklustre sex life you swore you’d never, ever settle for? Here’s a newsflash: Your relationship may be old but but it’s not dead—unless you kill it. Which is what you’re doing. So let’s think about how you can rev up your sex life before it’s too late.

Why is it that the longer a couple is together, the harder it is to keep the passion burning?

Wondering why your sex life is losing steam? Here are 8 reasons. 

Now, what can you do about it?

Fact: Sex and romance are exactly what both partners need to feel great about themselves and each other. Satisfying sex can literally change your life. It boosts self-esteem, lowers stress, and even counts as exercise, if you do it vigorously enough (yes, that’s a challenge). So, if you’re going to change something in your relationship, you should definitely start in the bedroom. It’s not just for sleeping, you know.


1. Eat Dinner in the Buff.

Surprise your partner by cooking dinner in your birthday suit. He sits patiently and watches as you prepare a delectable feast for two. Protect your assets by wearing an apron! Things can get really exciting if you encourage him to get naked, too. Spin that lettuce, and watch each other’s body parts jiggle. Taste the soup, off each other. Gently brush your naked body on his as you  reach for to the can opener.  What a way to build up an appetite!

2. Create Your Own Massage Parlour.

Turn your bedroom into a massage parlour using candles, or by tossing red/pink scarves over your lamps to create a relaxing, sensuous zone. Heat up the massage oil and lay out a housecoat for your partner. Turn on soft, sensual music, and add some essential oils to the pillows.  Invite your partner into the room, and get into your “masseuse role”. Avoid fully touching his sexual parts for as long as possible, but feel free to tease with gentle, close accidental brushes.

Oh, and PS. Do not expect a massage in return. This is a gift to your partner, and if you do it right—and he doesn’t fall asleep—you both win.

3. Play the Strip Game.

This one has a few different variations, but the goal is the same: The clothes come off, sloooooowly.

Variation A: Game Night.

Grab a classic board game (Monopoly or Scrabble anyone?), deck of cards, cribbage or backgammon board, and settle in for a cozy night game night, with a twist. Make up your own rules, (ie, every time you land on someone’s property in monopoly,  an article of clothing has got to go), and just enjoy spending some quality time together. Everyone wins with this game!

Variation B: The Strip Tease.

5 Creative Ways to Rev Up Your Dying Sex LifeGet dressed up in something that makes you feel sexy, and then add a few layers of clothes over top. Turn on some sexy music (You Can Leave Your Hat On, by Joe Cocker?), put your partner in a chair, and dance your ass off, while slowly, and sensually removing your clothes. Give little peeks of your parts, and remember that showing less is always more with the strip tease.

4. Share a Bed Picnic.

Prepare a picnic style lunch or dinner, with finger ready snacks, and set your bed like a picnic. Spread out a table cloth, use a breakfast tray to display your feast in the middle of the bed. Invite your partner to dine with you. Eating dinner in an extraordinary place, like your bed, makes meals more special, and dates that start in the bedroom usually end well. This is an opportunity for you to connect away from the mess of the kitchen and the responsibilities of your home. You’ll chat, eat and bond in the most comfortable place in the house. Let’s not forget the dessert…

5. Enjoy a Blind Dessert.

This dessert is quite the treat for both of you, and one that you’ll want to repeat over and over again. Prepare a surprise tray of delicious, bite sized goodies for your partner. The element of surprise is key to this date. Dessert ideas include bite sized fruits (pineapple, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries), candies (jelly beans, chocolate, gummies), morsels of cake, nuts, dried fruits, marshmallows and whatever other goodies you both crave. Add a jar of chocolate sauce or a can of whip cream, and you’ve got all you need to get playful with your dessert.

Kinky Tip: Blindfold your partner (with a tie, scarf, wrap, or silk belt) and feed him dessert. Don’t forget to give guidance with your words (Open up, Lick this, Don’t bite yet, etc.) Feed him off your body and eat dessert of his. Yum. So, just one more thing. Are you ready to get busy?

About the author

Tina O'Connor

Tina O’Connor is an on-air personality and relationship expert who focuses on parenting, sex and lifestyle issues — with a feng shui twist. She is the author and creator of the popular "Be That" book series, whose titles include "Be That Girl," "Be That Mom" and "Be That Kinky Girl," providing women and couples everywhere with concrete strategies to achieve more balance, happiness, peace and success in their lives. Tina holds a BSc in psychology and is a certified feng shui practitioner and mom of three who appears regularly on Global, CTV and Rogers TV stations across Canada. She has also appeared as a guest on a wide variety of radio stations, from CBC to Playboy Radio. With her straight-talking approach and dynamic personality, Tina gives real-world advice with a flair for entertainment. She truly is "That Girl."

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