So you’re on the market, dating over 40, and shopping for someone you click with. Maybe you even have a list of qualities you are or aren’t attracted to, or that you feel are a sure sign he’s Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong. Common interests? Check. Shared values? Duh. Easy conversation. Definitely. Physical attraction and chemistry? A given. 5 Signs You've Met Your Match

Surprisingly, none of these checklist items—at least, in isolation—is a measure of who or what is a good match for you. In fact, according to professional matchmaker Stacie Ikka, determining whether you’re well-matched with another person is something you feel more than something you see. So what are the signs that you and your special someone, soon-to-be special someone or already-special someone qualify as a great match? Check these out.


1. You are just fine without him.

OK, so you get butterflies when you’re together (if it’s a new relationship, or if you’re just really, really into each other). It’s a no-brainer that if you’re happy being in their company then that’s a great sign—and a wonderful start. But it’s not the sign of longevity.

A wise woman once said that how you feel when you’re apart is just as important as how you feel when you’re together. Case in point: I used to be really insecure in my relationships (part my issue, part bad past experiences and choices). When I was physically with my boyfriend-du-jour, everything was fine. Then, as soon as we’d part, my mind would wander and I’d imagine some pretty unlikely scenarios. It took many years, many more relationships and some (OK, maybe a bit more than some) therapy to realize that when you’re with the right person, the warm-and-fuzzies prevail even when you’re apart. At some point, you know—in your heart—that you are loved, and it has nothing to do with sharing physical space.

Insider Tip: Check yourself—and your relationship—the next time you’re separated for an extended period of time. See how you feel. Listen to your thoughts.  

2. You are better together.  From the Matchmaker: 5 Signs You've Met Your MatchJack Johnson was onto something when he wrote the song Better Together. Life can be a bitch but that’s just the way it is: we are all always dealing with something—good, bad or ugly. Hopefully, your partner shares in your ups and downs. There is a difference, though, between having someone to share the good times with and having someone to sweeten the pot.

When you share great news, is the response joy? A partner who is a good match will rejoice with you. He will be genuinely happy for you. He will celebrate with you, and may even do something special to celebrate you. Good times with good matches become great times. On the flip side, bad times—with the right person—become more tolerable, if not good times in their own right. Things that once seemed insurmountable seem do-able. Grief is shared, and shouldered by someone else. Feelings are heard. Fears are addressed. Life feels more manageable. Your match is not a fix-all for all the crap life might throw at you, but he certainly lessens the impact of the blows.

Insider Tip: A good match makes the highs higher and the lows higher, too. 

3. You can kick your Red Bull (or cocaine) habit. 

Ever heard the term energy vampires? You know, those people who just seem to suck the life out of you? When you’re around them, you feel as if you need to recharge your batteries. You don’t need to be an introvert or an expert on energy patterns to know that you are completely exhausted after spending time with certain people.

Insider Tip: Your energy level is a great barometer for whether someone is a bad, good or great match for you. With a good or great match, you are more likely to feel energized in their company, and still after they’ve gone. If you are feeling drained (consistently and/or excessively) around him, then that is a good sign that he is not your match.

4. You’re catching more worms, and that’s a good thing.  From the Matchmaker: 5 Signs You've Met Your Match

Just as the early bird gets the worm, so does the happily matched dater. In other words, when you are with the right person, you tend to be more productive. In general. In life. Personally, I used to be a workaholic. I told myself that it was because I loved what I did. But once I found my match, I realized all that work saved me from too much free time to feel sorry for my single self.

When you’re with the right person, you find ways to get everything done smarter and faster so that you can free up space in your calendar, making room for your love relationship. When you’re happy with the right person, you seek balance across the different facets of your life, which ultimately leads to a more productive you.

Insider Tip: Look at your To-Do List. Is it getting longer or shorter? Are things getting checked off faster or slower?

5. You’re having the B.S.E. (Best Sex Ever).

I am not talking about mind-blowing, chandelier-suspended, acrobatic, multiple orgasms, I-need-to-catch-my-breath, Samantha-Jones-esque sex. If that’s the sex you’re having, we all applaud you but it’s not necessarily a sign that you’ve found your match. The best sex you’ve ever had is comfortable, and natural—and pleasurable. You can do it sober. In fact, you might prefer to do it sober. The lights are on—or at least you’ll consider them being on. Somebody farts? It’s funny. That communication thing we all know is so important, it actually happens in the bedroom, too. It’s called physical and emotional intimacy.

Insider Tip: The best sex means you’re both OK falling asleep together and you’re both OK waking up beside each other, morning-breath and all. And you want to do it again. And again. And again. 5 signs you've met your match

Stacie Ikka is a professional matchmaker and Relationship Consultant who works with male and female, LGBT clients of all backgrounds, across North America. You can find her at

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