Remember the good ol’ days when you and your man couldn’t get to bed early enough—and not to sleep, mind you? Early on, hot, frequent sex made the relationship great. And then, somewhere along the way, the sheets cooled off—on his side of the bed, anyway.

Dare we go there? Is it possible your man has a few, um, sexual problems? Is there something you can do to get him out of his sexual funk? After ruling out any underlying medical issues, you’ve likely discovered that chances are, the problem is not between his legs but rather, between his ears. The truth is, two healthy heads are definitely better than one.

Man Talk: How His Penis is Affecting Your Sex LifeHere’s an important fact that women need to know: Men are penocentric.

Just like we figured, his penis is the organ of his essence. According to Dr. Dudley S. Danoff, author of the new book The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health: How to Stay Vital at Any Age, it is the axis around which the male body and personality rotate. Not surprisingly then, understanding the powerful link between the dictates of his penis and his behaviour is key to taking control of your sex life.


Penis Envy

Yep, his personality, behaviour, and outlook on life are governed in large part by his image of his member and driven by his libido. It’s simply the way nature created man.

Let’s delve into the male psyche where the Penis is King. The penis (we’re using the small p here so you can imagine your own size) rules its owner as a king governs his citizens. Sometimes, like the potentate who obeys the will of his people, the penis does a man’s bidding. Other times, like a dictator, it commands by its own terms and rules, some that they, let alone we, don’t even understand. As a monarch, the penis sometimes acts in an unpredictable, enigmatic way. It can be despotic, capricious, and selfish while at other times, behaving benevolent, magnanimous and wise.

Why Sex Can Suck

If your sex life has waned, your man may be like millions of other men who think that something is wrong with them because they no longer get hard on demand. The persuasive myth in our culture has it that a real man will be raring to go anytime, day or night. But every guy is different.

Men have their own individual preferences and unique biological templates. There is no set time or place that a man is supposed to get aroused. No credible scientific book says a man has to have sex a certain number of times a day. While some feel most sexual in the morning, others get horny midday, in the evening or the middle of the night. The real problem is that most men aren’t aware of their sexiest times or are too inhibited to discuss it.

Most importantly, we have to keep in mind the powerful connection between how men perceive their penises and how they perceive themselves. A man who likes his penis and has confidence in his organ also has trust and confidence in himself. Conversely, a man who distrusts or resents his penis and is insecure about its size or ability to perform tends to have poor self-esteem.

How to Heat Up the Sheets

If your man seems to have lost his confidence in the bedroom or your sex life has fallen into a rut, take the initiative and try these tips. Any change should add a fresh dimension to your routine.

1. Be spontaneous.

Surprise your man by making sure you’re alone for the weekend so the two of you can concentrate on each other. If you think he has been suffering from self doubt, put his mind at ease by telling him you have no expectations of sex—you just want to reconnect. Now don’t be surprised when he rises to the occasion.

2. Get creative.

Try something new. A never-before-tried position or a new venue—even just a different room in your home (hello closet!)—can be just what you need to start the sparks flying. Use your imagination and get creative.

3. Change it up.

Have sex at different times of the day. Pay attention to your man’s biorhythms. For example, if he has lots of pep when he wakes up but little at bedtime, take advantage of his morning energy—and notice his “morning wood.”

Dudley S. Danoff, MD, FACS,author of The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health: How to Stay Vital at Any Age, is the attending urologic surgeon and founder/president of the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Tower Urology Group in Los Angeles, California. 

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