Making plans this Valentine’s Day has never been easier. You can trade gifts, share a daring cocktail and sweet dessert, and take sexy pics. But don’t forget: The hotly anticipated film adaption of the erotic romance novel Fifty Shades of Grey by British author E.L. James is also (brilliantly) being released this week.

We women know the story. College grad Anastasia Steele falls for handsome millionaire Christian Grey, who’s oh so many shades of sexy. The BDSM sex scenes, as well as the sexual tension in their encounters, are hot, even when the writing is less so, and so we can all expect them to burn up the screen, and give us an experience to remember.

When I first read the book in the summer of 2012, I assumed the Fifty Shades “experience” could be recreated with a simple trip to a sex shop. I recall the staff at Good for Her, a Toronto-based women’s sex shop, telling me that they were flooded with female customers inspired by the novel. That’s because many women report that reading the book makes them feel sexier, puts them more in the mood, and gives them the courage to explore new facets of their sexuality. But did that translate into their sex lives? Were their men on board?

For some women, buying sex props was enough to help them tap into their “inner goddess,” and yet, for others, I suspect something was still missing. It occurred to me that the cultural phenomenon of Fifty Shades may have less to do with BDSM per se, and everything to do with that tricky beast desire.

Desire is described as a strong feeling of needing and wanting to have something happen. And the mass response to this book of women worldwide points to some craving that’s not being fulfilled. And that is the insight this film has to offer our relationships, and men. There is much more to Christian’s allure than the obvious. He is confident, driven, present, gentlemanly, protective—qualities that any man can develop to drive their partner crazy with desire!

And that is why, you want to get your partner to see this movie. The trick will be strategizing to minimize the girly factor, and make it sexy! Here are the five things you can do to make that happen.


1. Use the “It’s My Turn” Card

This is the easiest (and least sexy) way to get your man to go to Fifty Shades with you. Simply make sure you’re in the cue for next up in the movie rotation. If it’s not your turn, you have until mid-February to make it happen.

50 Shades of Grey movie poster2. Be a Hint Dropper

If your sex life could use a moderate to severe boost, casually drop in Fifty Shades fun facts, such as: I can’t tell you how many of my male friends have said, ‘My girlfriend is reading Fifty Shades. I haven’t had this much sex in years!’ He’ll get the point.

3. Get In the “Fifty Shades” Spirit

The majority of women that read Fifty Shades report having an increased sex drive while reading the book, and for a prolonged period after. If it’s been a while since you’ve read it, and the side effects have worn off, you may want to have a reread to remind you partner of the many benefits of making Fifty Shades a part of your lifestyle.

4. Keep It Sexy

Hands down the best thing you can do to get your partner to go to see Fifty Shades with you is to make it sound like an enticing and sexy outing that will have no embarrassment for him because you’ll sit in the back row and be inconspicuous. Let him know that it will undoubtedly lead to some new activities and attitudes in the bedroom.  (Combine with #5 for greatest impact!)

5. Make a Proposition

Get playful and turn going to the film into a sexy night out. To start, do something to create images in his mind of what may be to come. For example, you could buy yourself some sexy Fifty Shades inspired lingerie, and hang it somewhere he’ll get to see it. Tie it with a bow and note that reads: To be opened after the movie. Then, on the night of, wear something a little (or a lot) sexier than usual, with lingerie underneath. Start with cocktails at a sexy lounge. To be extra flirty, suggest a proposition: You’ll go and see the movie and agree to try at least one thing. That will really get the anticipation going before the film and get the blood rushing during the actual movie.

Take these suggestions and make them your own.  If successful, I’m confident, in his own way, it will be the best book he’s never read. 


About the author

Natalia, The Love Coach

"The Love Coach" @ / Entrepreneur / Yoga & Tango Enthusiast / #lovebydesign

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