Why is it that we always feel like we’re struggling with something. It can be anything from heading to an unfulfilling job every day, dealing with your crazy ex, worrying about looming retirement, or simply not having enough fun. All of these situations can lead to struggle, but you don’t have to live that way. In fact, it’s entirely possible to face life head on, go through transitions, and actually become stronger, all while enjoying your life.
Hot to Stop Struggling: 8 ways to make life less unhappy and way more fun.
Step #1: Take responsibility for your life.
All of it. When you let external conditions control your destiny, you surrender your power and authority. By the same token, when you allow someone else to be in charge of your life, you keep yourself stuck. You are the victim and that is not a powerful position. The truth is you may not be able to control all your circumstances, but you have total control on how you respond to all them.
Action: Get clear about what you want.
Most people think about what they don’t want. “I don’t want to be poor,” or “I don’t want to be bored,” or “I don’t want to be alone.” Revise this list to say what you DO want. “I want to make more money. “I choose to have more fun.” “I am going to spend more time building and enjoying my relationships with others.” Now you have something to work with. Each of these items require new activities and new actions. It’s time to do something different.
Step #2: Don’t arbitrarily accept opinions.
People project their own beliefs onto others. It is called transference. If someone thinks you are not making the best use of your talents, then more than likely, he is not making best use of his. Letting others tell you want is true reneges on your responsibility to draw your own conclusions and can definitely lead to struggle.
Action: Do your own homework.
Whether it’s politics, news stories, or simply the best way to bake a cake, ask yourself what you believe about it before asking anyone else what they think. What makes sense to you? What do you think is the best way to balance the budget? Practice having an opinion and stating what that is without worrying what anyone else thinks. This is also a good time to weed out negative people, groups and thought systems. Give up the “Debbie Downers.” Don’t listen to the news 24/7. Do be selective as to what and who you listen to. Finally, find people who are happy and hang out with them.
Step #3: If you need to do it, do it.
Take action and stand by it. That means leave a miserable job or relationship, relocate, take a class, start a new career–start over. Your life is your journey. If you are not growing, you are not going to be happy. Add to this the fact that the world is constantly changing and so must you. Don’t resist because that is what causes struggle. Embrace change.
Action: Make a list of things to change.
Pick the first item and DO IT! You can start with something small and work up to the bigger items. Maybe it’s as simple as always hanging up your clothes at the end of the day. Perhaps it is time to lose that extra 15 pounds you’ve been carrying around. Why not start a conversation with that good-looking guy you see in the coffee shop every other morning? If you want to develop a new skill, then find a mentor or take a class and learn something new. If you’re looking to reduce stress and anxiety, sign up for a meditation class, yoga, or Pilates.
Step #4: Acknowledge your worth.
Talk to yourself out loud and affirm your value—daily. Do not underestimate the power of what you say internally. In fact, how you talk to yourself is a make-it or break-it proposition when it comes to struggle. Many people say horrible things to themselves: How could you have done that; you are stupid; you are unlovable; you will never amount to anything. These are lies. They are generated from the ego that loves control. Paying attention to ego railings is like having a giant thumb pressing down on you. If you listen to the negativity, you will never step out of your box and investigate your incredible self.
Action: STOP the negativity.
Refuse to give negative thoughts credence. It is your mind so you get to say what goes on there. Mental discipline is key to releasing struggle, so don’t let your mind run on automatic pilot. To prevent becoming overwhelmed with negative self-talk, move. Get out into nature and take a walk while breathing deeply. Take action, such as cleaning out a closet or drawer. When you have calmed down, write in a journal to expunge fears, and then write about your desires, hopes and dreams. Clear your mind so that you remember that you are valuable, a unique piece to the universal puzzle that makes everything work.
Step #5: Dump any emotional baggage.
Dump all memories of being hurt, offended, or criticized. Let it go! So your mother didn’t love you enough and your father wasn’t there. That is on them and not you. Forgive them and move on. While you’re at it, forgive your brother, your sister, your mean-spirited boss, your soccer coach, your nosy neighbours, and the rude store clerk. Let them all go. How? First, remember that what others project is what is inside of them.
Action: Observe your thoughts every day.
Take notes. When you have a blaming thought, stop and correct yourself. Wait. I am responsible for my life. If you find yourself feeling resentment or thinking, poor me, make an adjustment and change your thoughts. Sometimes we are tempted to ruminate, but it is exactly at those moments when you must catch yourself and interrupt your pattern. Deliberately think about something else: Bring up a pleasant memory. Remember a time when you confidently handled some situation well. By clearing the mental space held by grievances, you feel lighter and the payoff is huge.
Step #6: Find a way to express yourself.
Everyone is creative and creativity must be expressed. Build something. Write something. Learn to draw or speak. Everyone needs an outlet to express energy, one that is uniquely one’s own. Experiment until you discover yours. It is your gift to the world.
Action: Start with what comes easy for you.
What comes easily? Do it whether it’s decorating cakes, coaching a soccer team, organizing, making friends. Then expand on that. If you’re not sure how to do that, then take classes until you discover a way that feels good for you. You don’t have to be a Picasso to paint or a Hemingway to write. Teaching, volunteering, sales, accounting, and business, they’re are creative endeavors. Don’t worry about monetizing your efforts. Just do it for fun. You never know where fun will lead.
Step #7: Become a possibility-thinker.
When you look at a person, relationship, or opportunity, ask yourself: What are the possibilities here? Most people don’t see possibilities because they never ask the question. You must ask the question and seek possibilities. What if joining a study group opens up opportunities to learn new skills, meet amazing people, or start a new career? What if taking a new route to work reveals a short cut, a new restaurant in town, or a beautiful view. Be curious and try new things.
Action: Make a list of all solutions.
Pick a subject and write it down and figure out how. If you want to go back to school and you need tuition money, what are some ways you could pay for it? Here are some ideas: You can take the money out of savings, get a school loan or grant, procure a home equity line of credit, ask someone to help you, put it on your credit card, win the lottery, trade services with someone for paying your tuition, get a job that subsidizes schooling, join the military so you can go to college, win a contest, find a benefactor, and so forth. These are a few possibilities, but you can come up with more.
Step #8: Turn failure into triumph.
Pay attention to what you have called failure because this is where you can slip into struggle. The loss of a job doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world; it is an opportunity to find a better one or maybe start a whole new business. When a relationship ends, it may leave you feeling feel lost and disoriented. However, the completion of a relationship may indicate you have outgrown it, learned the lesson it was to teach you, or someone new is waiting for you. By facing the unknown and turning “failure” into triumph, you discover more about yourself.
Action: Do a personal audit.
Look back to find a failure that actually led to a better opportunity. When did that unexpected turn in the road guide you to something amazing and wonderful? You took a detour only to discover your soul mate. You didn’t get into a certain school, only to discover a different learning opportunity that led to your dream career. Pause to ponder this: Is there anything in your life now that you consider terrible? And let me ask you this: Have you ever been wrong? Is it possible that this terrible situation is a lead in to a thrilling new escapade? If it’s happened in the past, it very likely will happen again. Do a personal audit and you will be amazed how failures were really just direction changes.
Jean Walters is an internationally-known teacher, transformational coach and Akashic Record reader (psychic) who workshops in empowerment, meditation, building communication skills, universal laws, dreams interpretation, strengthening intuition, and creating spiritual connection. She is the author of Be Outrageous: Do the Impossible.