As a sex advice columnist, I can tell you that women are all over the board when it comes to giving head to a guy. Some love giving blow jobs, some are ambivalent and some have actually said to me: I wouldn’t go down on him if I was suffocating and there were oxygen in his balls!
Most women fall in the middle—somewhere between “Whatever” and “Why Not?” It’s possible to come to love something you feel ambivalent about but most women go about it the wrong way. They dive into techniques before they shift their consciousness, so they get really good at something they don’t particularly like. And this ends up making them more of a skilled labourer than a passionate lover.
HOW TO START GIVING HEAD AND LIKING IT
What’s In It For You?
The best way to start liking the act of giving head is to consider the possibility that there might be something in it for you—other than pleasing your man or keeping the peace. Ordinarily, we think of blow jobs as something a woman does for a man. She gives the pleasure and he receives it. But there’s another way of looking at it.
What if you got so much pleasure out of giving head that you start seeing it as a way of satisfying your sexual needs, not just his?
The question then becomes, “Hmmm, blow jobs. What’s in it for me?” A lot it turns out. The women who love going down on guys report pleasurable feelings of submission and dominance, often simultaneously. The submission part is self-evident, but what about dominance? Why do so many women surge with the feelings of dominance while they’re giving head?
Because they’re in charge of what their men are experiencing. They’re exerting control. As one woman I quote in my book says, I love the emotional power I have over my partner in being able to dictate speed, bringing him to the edge, stopping…..having him scream, beg, or moan. And either letting things calm down and begin again, or bringing things to a head. It’s TOTAL control, one that you decide on, there on the spot.
Now that’s amore!
Falling In Love With Your Partner’s Penis
Penises are a lot like alcohol—you don’t want to put either in your mouth without doing something to make it go down easier. Most of us don’t drink a shot of vodka for a reason—it tastes awful and burns going down. But add a little Cointreau, lemon and cranberry juice and voila! A Cosmopolitan that tastes great and gives you a pleasurable buzz. So what’s the sexual version of Cointreau, lemon and cranberry?
What do you do to a penis to make it taste so good and give you such great buzz that you look forward to sipping on it?
First, you need to fall in love with it. You do that by understanding, acknowledging and celebrating why you’re so attracted to masculinity. Certainly it sets off your femininity, allowing a different, pleasurable experience of yourself that you don’t get when you’re around other women.
By understanding and cultivating your attraction to masculine traits—strength, action, hardness—it isn’t much of a leap to project those desirable characteristics on Masculinity’s Main Representative—the penis. When you do that, when you see an erect penis as a symbolic representation of all that is masculine, your consciousness shifts and you start perceiving a blow job as something that expresses your love and need for that masculinity.
Next page: Learn to Love Giving Head!