Guess what today is? It’s a big one. Today, I’m 39 and I’m feeling fine. When I turned 30, I was in the thick of parenting a few toddlers, nurturing a new baby and starting a new business. My life could not have been more crazy. The only dirty thing about my thirties then was the diapers. When the calendar turned to March this year, I realized that soon, my Dirty Thirties would be coming to an end. Rather than recreate The Great Depression for my last hurrah, I decided to embrace my final year of what was supposed to be the dirty decade and let frivolity play a part in this milestone. So, for all my friends, fans and especially my darling husband, here is a list of things I think women (read: me!) could really use to close out our decade with a bang.
5 GUILTY PLEASURES TO CELEBRATE THE END OF YOUR 30s
1. A Stripper It’s not our Stagette, 40th Birthday or the divorce celebration. And yet we want it anyway. He must be hot. He must be able to dance. He must be smooth, and strong, and built in all the right ways. He must leave us breathless, and make us feel like we are his everything, for at least 20 minutes. Then, he needs to politely leave so we can satiate our ravenous appetites at home.
2. A High-End Cappuccino Maker – and a top of the line grinder I don’t drink coffee normally, and I am not a Barista. So Lord knows, it’s going to get dirty as I try to learn how to use both of these machines. But, think of all the money you’ll save drinking your own home ground, homemade lattes and cappuccinos. And your dinner parties? Very top drawer. Now how about inviting that stripper to make and serve your after dinner coffees? Mmmmmm. Now we’re talking dirty.
3. An Expensive Bedroom Toy This sex toy should come complete with an app that you and your partner can download and use when he’s with you, and when he’s not. We all deserve to feel good and experience pleasure, even if your partner is not in the same room, or same country! He’ll have his finger on the trigger whether he’s there or not, and you’ll both love that he’s in control of your pleasure, even from afar. A toy with this capability will make your foreplay a lot more exciting for both of you when you are in the same room together. Selfish, and yet not.
5 Ways to Celebrate Your Milestone Birthday
Whether you're saying goodbye to your 30s, 40s, or even 50s, you deserve the best experiences. But don't wait for someone to organize them for you. Do yourself the favour. You can thank us later.
A Hotel Room
Hotel rooms do amazing things to us: they're mysterious, sexy, and relaxing. Even one night away can help you to BREATHE. Pack your new lingerie & toys and get ready for a night to remember.
We're being honest when we say: you're way sexier than you think you are. Work it! And remember, you're not just buying it for yourself. This is one purchase he'll be glad to play tag team on.
An Expensive Bedroom Toy
These aren't your granny's vibrators (seriously!?). This [newfangled sex gadget](http://we-vibe.com/we-vibe-4-plus) can be operated remotely by an app. No joke: experience pleasure that goes to 11. Stop blushing & just do it.
A High-End Coffee Maker
If you love your java, it's time to do it right. Invest in a sexy sleek machine & make your own lattes, cappuccinos, and coffees at home. This is how grown-ups live.
He must be hot and a smooth operator with the moves and muscles to match. He must leave you breathless and like you're his everything, for at least 20 minutes. Then he can go.
4. Sexy Lingerie Think costumes that would never make it out to the Halloween gala. New matching bras and panties. Lacy ones and frilly ones. Leather ones and silky ones. Edible and Rip-able. Negligees. Baby dolls. Garter belts and stockings. What makes this present really special? We’re not buying for ourselves. Having your partner hand-select items that he would like to see you in is incredibly sexy, exciting, and rewarding for both of you. Help him out by giving him your dimensions, or tell him which store to go to. Boutiques specialize in helping men shop for their partners, and will store all your information for easy birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s, or surprise shopping. It’s a true win-win situation.
5. A Hotel Room, Close to Home Nothing says “this is a special night out” like a true getaway from home, a total change from your everyday routine, a different bed to ram against the wall. When you’re at home, you can lock the door. You can put pillows over each other’s faces to muffle sounds. Yet, showing up at a hotel room with your bags packed full of lingerie and chocolate sauce and whipped cream takes the sex to a whole new level of exciting, whether it’s a hotel down the street or a few hours away.
Liven up the room with candles, rose petals, bath salts and massage oils. Try not to fall asleep before 10, and delight in the fact that you can be as loud as you want, as dirty as you want (they’ll clean the chocolate off the sheets), and try to squeeze in a little morning booty call before you check out. No matter your age, embrace your desires, ask to get your needs met. You are worth every frivolous, passionate, fun desire that you can allow yourself to think of. Be bold enough to use your Birthday as an excuse to ask for things you wouldn’t normally allow yourself. As for me, I’m going to rock my last year of thirties to the best of my dirty capabilities, and I am already thinking of some great new ways to welcome in my Fearless Forties. Or shall I call them my Fabulous Forties?
Tina O’Connor is an On-Air Personality and Relationship Expert who focuses on Parenting, Sex and Lifestyle… with a Feng Shui flare. Her no-nonsense communication style and hands-on advice provides inspiration, education and entertainment for women and couples everywhere. Tina is the author and founder of the bestselling “Be That” Series of books (Be That Girl, Be That Mom, Be That Kinky Girl), providing readers with concrete strategies to achieve more balance, happiness, peace and success in their lives. Tina truly is That Girl.