Just when you thought it would never happen again, you find yourself alone and freaked out by the idea of first dates—again? We feel you. The first date is one of the most perilous parts of any relationship and for good reason. People micro-analyze each other’s every action while each tries to put that best foot forward.
Well, we know this for sure: your true self is probably giving you away, despite yourself—and more importantly, so is his. So listen up. If you pay attention to some of these dating dead giveaways, you can see whether he’s actually Prince Charming or just pretending to be. And you’ll save yourself a world of heartache (in the form of a frog) in the process.
First Date Advice: Here are 7 Dud Dudes You Want to Avoid
1. He says he’s interested in you but then never asks you anything personal.
This is a big hint, but can work both ways. At first blush, it would seem that the person has no interest in you. That is possible. Another possibility is that the person has discomfort with personal relationships and this type of person is simply uncomfortable with what he considers prying. Or he may not know how to communicate well in a relationship setting.
If he is not asking about you, pay close attention to what he is talking about. That will give you great hints about where his head is at, and, more importantly, the priority of a relationship as opposed to something else.
2. He goes out with you but then ‘loses’ you when they get there.
This one seems to be either a situation where the person wants you to know it was not a date or may not want to be associated with you. It could also be a sign he’s narcissistic and sees it as an opportunity to meet people he could not otherwise meet.
Today, many people are using business networking events as a way of meeting people and going for lunch or dinner as a way of getting to know the other person without it feeling like a date, and everything that goes with it.
3. He gets angry very quickly over something you do or say.
If he finds fault with what you do, there are many ways to work it out over time. However, a hair-trigger temper on the first date is a very bad sign. Remember, this is only the beginning of the relationship and he’s on his best behaviour now.
Try discussing the issue so you can understand what you have done to set him or her off or if this is just a one-off. If that question upsets him, run, don’t walk away.
4. He’s not a team player.
Not being a team player can be manifested in different ways. It can be as simple as walking ten feet ahead of you or not helping you when you drop something. The biggest problem is that someone who is not a team player may have other complementary characteristics you can’t live with, such as a lack of empathy. Either way, you may not be happy around such a person for long.
5. He claims to like you but has no physicality towards you.
There could be one of three issues at play here. Don’t forget that some people still require an emotional connection before they feel comfortable with a physical one. Others may simply have no interest in you once they are in your presence, while a third group takes a very conservative view towards a physical relationship early on.
Some people are sensitive and nerves affect them, making them behave differently. If, after all this, you even find it hard to achieve a kiss (even on the cheek) after a successful date, it may be time to ask if this relationship is going anywhere.
6. He plays verbal games with you.
If he’s constantly one upping you when you misunderstand something or they have to repeat something, there may be a problem. This seems to be a common quality of a person with low self-esteem who uses these techniques to make themselves feel better when a situation makes them feel inferior.
This is a dangerous personality trait because you’ll always be made to feel small. How many years are you prepared to deal with this?
7. Last but not least, an oldie but still a very good barometer: the treatment of people in subservient positions.
Pay attention to how he treats staff in restaurants and elsewhere. If he speaks down to the people, that’s a red flag because how he deals with others impacts how he deals with you.
Relationships901 is a program produced to help you overcome relationship issues in a week. Authored by well-known high-level negotiator Steven Riznyk, it demonstrates, through actual event footage how people behave given many complex situations, and guides you through quick solutions.