My name is Mara and I’m a girl who likes to swear. I can’t help it. Sometimes swear words just say it like it needs to be said. When I was growing up, my parents wondered if I’d been left on the doorstep by truckers. That’s how bad it was then, and it’s even worse now. This one time a few months ago, I let it rip for almost 30 minutes. I swore for so long that I used up my rather illustrious vocabulary and had to begin recycling and using my words in all kinds of new ways.

Good thing I’ve got eyes in the back of my head because if I’m not careful, there’s going to be some goody two shoes coming at me with a big, giant bar of soap and a mouth-shaped scrub brush.

You know what’s good for girls who like to swear? Having a sense of humor, and finding others who do too. There’s nothing like finding like-minded individuals who have a potty mouth even dirtier than mine. Actually, that’s not true. What’s better is finding all-of-the-above with an online store to match. If I’ve got the face of a princess and the mouth of a biker, then Cate Bolt has one-upped me. Because she not only knows even more erm… language than I do, but she has figured out how to use it in a rather creative way on her website, Pretty FKN Embroidery.

Let’s just say that these aren’t your granny’s crafts.

Let’s also say that it was love at first sight when I was cruising the Internet and my cursor landed on this pillow.

I've Tried to Stop Swearing but I Cunt Pillow

I just had to have it. There was never a more perfect home accessory for me. The problem was, a lot of people felt the same way. Cate, an Australian native with a penchant for cursing and a talent for embroidery, had to close down her website sales because she couldn’t fill the orders in time. I was devastated. But then I waited, and waited, and stalked her Facebook page until Jackpot!

Cate had started selling on RedBubble. Yes, the pillow would be silk-screened instead of embroidered, but this beggar wasn’t a chooser.

When you’re brazen, you want what you want and you want it now. And you make it happen.

And then it comes in the mail and you put it smack dab in your family room. Don’t she look pretty fucking perfect?

I've Tried to Stop Swearing But I Cunt Pillow

My only problem is whether I should get this mug or this tea towel next.

Want my pillow? You can’t have it. But you can get your own for $35 on PrettyFKNEmbroidery. Or, if she’s being difficult, on Red Bubble for $28.12.

 

 

 

 

About the author

Mara Shapiro

Mara Shapiro is Co-Editor, Community of BrazenWoman. She is proof that it's never too late to reinvent yourself, and also that you cannot have too many pairs of shoes and lipglosses. A Social Media addict, Community Manager, and insatiable lover of movie popcorn, Mara is always on the hunt for the next best thing. You'll often find her laughing and dancing, phone in one hand, and a glass of red in the other. The only time she's not talking is when she's sleeping.

  • Holly

    LOL, I need this in my life. It’s so me.

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