Everywhere you go, people are grumbling about fall. It’s flippin’ freezing! Crank the heat already. I’m so depressed about what’s coming next, I can’t even get dressed. RIP Summer. Seriously, friends? I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t look forward to the fun that is fall fashion.
You’re telling me you miss having to wear a big, floppy hat or being all greasy with sunscreen so you don’t transform into watermelon face? You miss the comeback of the crop top just when you’re no longer comfortable flashing even a sliver of belly? You’re so obsessed with the snow to come that you can’t breathe and enjoy the beauty literally dropping on your head?
Not me. Fall is my favourite season, hands down, and it’s partly—maybe even mostly—because of the fall fashion. It goes this way: Weather->Dress->Oh Yes. Let’s take the reasons backward, one at time, shall we?
10 WAYS FALL FASHION MAKES GETTING DRESSED EASY
10. Bye-bye bikini shopping until vacation.
See-ya, me standing before a full-length mirror, agape at the slow transition of my mid-section which, despite all manner of crunches, will never return to its former unstretched self. Time to cover up and love doing it.
9. Shorts stop shrinking.
What is it with shorts? It’s one of the great mysteries of summer: they just seem to get shorter and shorter. Whatever the length of those shorts in June, by the time the leaves change colour, they have shrunk to teenage size, aka unwearable. Well, that’s OK. Now I don’t have to buy them until next year.
8. No more razor addiction.
Now that I’m giving the razor a reprieve, my legs can finally return to their somewhat inevitable manly state. Who has the time to scrape every day? Two words: Tights. Hose.
7. Wax crisis gone.
On a related note: Full-out panic at the sight of a millimetre of growth anywhere near the bikini line has subsided to a mere shrug. Back to work, people. Crisis averted.
6. Ankles feel better.
No more rotating the colour of those go-to flip flops every single day and living with ankle pain trying to keep them on your feet. Sadly, these are the “shoes” you’re forced to live in all spring and summer long if, like me, you’re not girly enough to pull off flats.
5. Hello sexy hands.
Dark nails, even after Halloween. Just call me Sexpot.
4. The smell of leather. Ahhhh…
Leather, suede, bring it on, baby. Jacket, pants, purse, shoes, you name it, I want it near my body. Just the smell alone makes me dizzy with glee and the touch, oh the touch.
3. The blessing of boots.
Because of the blessing of boots of every height—from booties all the way up to thigh-highs—crafted in every material known to woman, I can not only pull off skinny jeans but I can even rock leggings. Go me.
2. No more arm flab.
Gotta love long sleeves. Especially if they’re made of silk or cashmere. Can’t have too much of that near your skin.
1. Onion dressing.
Just watch as I enjoy dressing like an onion. In layers. You know, the kind that can be skillfully peeled away, one by one, when the dreaded hot flash comes on. So this is what a stripper feels like. Nice.
What do you love wearing most this season—and why?